(The scene opens with a shiny white stage. The Beatles are holding colorful instruments. Instead of wearing their usual black suit jackets, John is wearing a green jacket, Paul a blue, George a purple, and Ringo a red. They start performing “The Word”)

John, Paul, George: (singing)

                                    Say the Word and you’ll be free

                                    Say the Word and be like me

                                    Say the Word I’m thinking of

                                    Have you heard the Word is love?

                                    It’s so fine, it’s sunshine, it’s the word, love.

John: In the beginning, I misunderstood, but now I…

(Brian Epstein runs in front of the camera. The Beatles stop performing)

Brian: Cut, cut, CUT!

Paul: What seems to be the problem, Brian?

Brian: Alright boys, we want to make this show as family friendly as possible. Children can’t understand a complex emotion such as love. So we’re going to change the lyrics to something children can understand: fruit salad.

Ringo: Uh… Brian, the song isn’t about love, you see…

(John and Paul look nervous)

Brian: And Ringo…

John: THANK GOD!

Paul: See, this is the reason why we are doing this.

Brian: Ringo, studies show that children prefer a character who speaks in third person for some unexplained reason, and children like you, so from now on you have to refer to yourself in third person.

Ringo: (whining) But I don’t want to…

John: Now I can see why children identify with him.

Brian: (once again, ignoring John and talking to Ringo) A-hem.

Ringo: (sighs) Ringo doesn’t want to refer to himself in third person. Ringo thinks it’s a daft idea to make a children’s show just because John said that we were bigger than Jesus.

(Brian and several crewmembers gasp)

Brian: We’ll edit it out later. Oh, and George.

George: (hiding his disapproval for the idea with a big grin on his face, and speaking through his teeth) Yes, Brian?

Brian: We want to justify that you are the quiet Beatle, so how about you smile and grin at the camera, and say nothing. Because we all know that ever since you “discovered” India, you’ve become very opinionated, and well, we have come to discover ourselves that your opinions are about as two times sarcastic as John and about as three times controversial than John’s.

Paul: Ah, it seems the student has surpassed the master.

Brian: So, just continue being the quiet Beatle and everything will be okay.

George: (with a big grin, talking through his teeth) Yes, Brian.

Brian: Okay, now let’s start from where we cut. Okay…(exits)

(The boys start performing the edited version of “Love”)

John, Paul, and George: (singing)

                                    Say the word, fruit salad

                                    Yummy fruit salad

                                    Say the word, fruit salad

                                    Mmm… fruit salad.

                                    It’s so yummy, it’s so delicious, it’s fruit salad.

John: Strawberries, bananas, apples

         Watermelon, peaches, grapes

John, Paul, George: Say the word, fruit salad.

                                Yummy fruit salad

                                Say the word…

(The song is interrupted by George throwing down his guitar, storming off step to his dressing room, and blocking the camera, all with a friendly smile)

Ringo: Isn’t John the one who does that?

John: At least he’s doing it with a smile.

(The scene then cuts to John and Paul sitting in a bed wearing striped pajamas of the same color they wore in the previous scene. John is eating a bowl of cornflakes)

John: Why are we in a bed together, Brian?

Paul: Just go with the flow, John, and read the cue cards.

John: Why are we in a bloody bed together?! I’m getting the hell out of here…

(John proceeds to get out of the bed. Several men suddenly grab John)

(The screen dissolves to static and then cuts to a suddenly “tranquil” John Lennon sitting in the bed, absorbed in his cornflakes)

Paul: John, I’ve told you a jillion times not to eat cornflakes in the bed.

John: But I’m hungry.

Paul: (pulling out a dustpan) John, if you eat the cornflakes in the bed, the Munchies Monster will come.

(John now appears to be sleeping with a tranquil smile on his face)

Paul: Oh no! John fell asleep!

(Ringo enters wearing red striped pajamas)

Ringo: Ringo can’t sleep.

Paul: Quiet Ringo, I’m trying to clean the cornflakes off the bed!

Ringo: But Ringo’s afraid.

Paul: And why is that, Ringo?

Ringo: Because the munchies monster ran into Ringo’s room and he’s very hungry!

(Bob Dylan enters wearing a blue, fuzzy outfit, speaking in a high-pitched Southern gibberish)

Paul: (doing a fake gasp) Oh no, it’s the Munchies Monster!

Bob Dylan: (in a high-pitched Southern gibberish) MHASHABLICKLIAIMIMOSHASHAIDELOGIDKIGISASHAICLIM! (jumps on the bed and shoves the cornflakes in his mouth, stops speaking in gibberish, and looks at John, still sleeping) You owe me for this Lennon. (continues speaking in gibberish) MASHAILUCKAOHIDASHO!

Ringo: Ringo says let’s go to today’s lesson.

(The next scene is in front of a brick fence. George enters with a big smile on is face, walking down the fence)

George: Hi kids! Today’s episode is brought to you by the letters L, S, and D. Which stands for… LSD! And today’s episode is sharing. Right now, I’m going to share.

(George walks down the fence where John is sitting on his fence playing his guitar)

George: Hey, John!

John: Hello, George!

George: Would you like to share some coffee? (pulls out a cup of coffee from his pocket) Some special coffee.

John: I don’t know George. Won’t Brian be upset? And why are you talking?

George: Because I shared some of my special coffee with him.

(The camera pans to Brian, in a corner, giggling manically. The camera pans back to John and George)

John: What a good lad! Sure I’ll share some coffee with you.

(A crayon-drawn sign that says “Five Minutes Later” covers the screen, then reveals John and George giggling and pointing at random imaginary objects. John is wearing a red dress and a tiara. George is wearing nothing but a kilt and a fur coat)

George: John! You’re on fire!

(John giggles maniacally)

George: I’ll put out the fire with the water I can magically shoot from my arms!

(George puts his arms out like Spiderman, and makes water-shooting noise)

John: WOOO! I love everyone!

George: Me too! I want to hug and kiss everyone and show people how much I love them!

John: WOOO! Me too! Let’s go!

(John and George run down the brick road hugging and kissing several puppets, who are running away, screaming. The scene cuts to Paul standing in a white room)

Paul: Hey kids, it’s time to play “Wake up Ringo”! Where is Ringo sleeping?

(The camera cuts to Ringo sleeping on a couch. He is snoring loudly. The camera cuts back to Paul)

Paul: Okay, kids, one the count of three, let’s shout “Wake up Ringo!” One, two three…

Kids’ voices: WAKE UP, RINGO!

(The camera cuts to Ringo)

Ringo: (drowsily) Ringo wants to sleep.

(The camera cuts to Paul)

Paul: Okay kids, let’s do it again. One, two three…

Kids’ voices: WAKE UP, RINGO!

Ringo: (drowsily) Ringo has a hangover. Ringo has a headache.

Paul: Come ‘ed Ringo. Be a good sport!

Ringo: Look Paul, Ringo went to the bar and spent all last night drinking, because of the stress of touring. Ringo wants to go to sleep!

Paul: Oh… okay… then it’s time for today’s final lesson, apologizing, which means, saying you’re sorry.

(The camera cuts to John sitting on top of the brick fence. Paul walks down the fence)

Paul: John said a nasty, nasty thing a couple of weeks ago, so now, John is going to apologize to everyone. (exits)

(A spotlight shines on John)

John: I’m sorry, kids for saying The Beatles were bigger than Jesus. I’m sorry that you can’t understand sarcasm.

(Paul enters)

Paul: Uh… John.

John: I’m sorry you are fanatical and think we are commies.

Paul: Uh… John, that’s not in the script.

John: I’m sorry you think we’re corrupting the youth. I’m sorry you are stubborn. I’m sorry you are holy rollers. I’m sorry you are pigs. I’m sorry your minds are clogged with your false ideology of patriotism. I’m sorry…

(Several men grab John. The camera cuts to static)

FIN